Wednesday, 5 December 2007

More spooky occurrences?

I'm seriously beginning to wonder about me. I've had a terrible night's sleep due to something that happened, well a couple of things really, in the last day or so. Let me explain.

Three years ago, a friend and I fell out, bigtime. I won't go into the details of why here and now, it's very involved, but suffice to say, it was, at the time, irrepairable, and to be perfectly honest, I was very relieved, I'd been looking for a way of easing myself out of her life for a long time, and took the opportunity with both hands. I couldn't cope with the pressure of our friendship, or the financial burden it was becoming at times. To be honest, I was having the piss taken out of me bigtime, and being soft I couldn't do anything about it.

Enough about that bit, anyhow, our paths crossed again earlier this year at the Doctors, and I didn't want her as an enemy, so I was friendly, and we chatted briefly, then I met up with her for a walk with the dogs on Saturday, and quickly realised that nothing had changed, and I still couldn't be there for her, and I had moved on. We left it that I would give her a ring sometime, and I never did. So apart from one brief sighting of her a couple of months ago across the park where I walk Emma, she had been far from my mind.

So that sets the scene. On Monday night, I had a dream, that I met her on a walk with Emma. I was walking up a hill, not anywhere immediately familiar, and we met at the brow of this hill, it was a road, and she was with her cocker, Sophie. I was surprised that she'd been able to walk that far, because she is disabled, that's all I can remember of the dream, apart from we chatted, exchanged how are yous etc. I think the road was one in her village, where I walked with Irene and her dog before she left, but it was quite vague.

Okay so now move on to yesterday evening. I was setting up my new mobile phone, transferring all the phone numbers from the old one into the new, systematically going through each one. I got to her numbers (she was last in the list alphabetically) and thought I won't be needing those anymore, so didn't put them into my new phone.

So that's twice right, she'd entered my thoughts for one reason or another.

At 21.45 last night, my phone rang. I have caller display - it was her!!!!! I was so shocked, I didn't answer, just sat there looking at the name, and waiting for the ansa to kick in. She left a message. A short, tearful message. Sounds like she has split with her boyfriend (if you could call him that) although just guessing at this stage from her mumblings. Wants me to be a friend to her, wants me to ring her, needs someone to talk to.

Excuse my language, but oh fuck. What the hell should I do? I really don't need any more complications in my life, my health has deteriorated in the three years since I stopped being her "home help", and I couldn't cope with it now for sure. But at the same time, I don't want to be a complete bitch, it's not in my nature. I just don't know what to do.

I'm really freaked out at the way this has happened too, apart from the decision. I will have to think it over today before I do anything at all. Any comments or advice appreciated folks.


oldcrow61 said...

Sounds like you're between a rock and a hard place. From the sound of it I don't think it would be good for you to get involved with her again. She's probably turning to you because you have a soft heart which makes you an easy mark for someone like this person. Just my opinion.

Mary said...

Tough one Jan but only you know all the facts. I finally ended a 20 year friendship about a year ago and although I regret the way it ended I have moved on and would not want to restart it again, because the situation would still be the same.People do change and friendships end It is possible that she has been brought to mind by a couple of instances and right now she is feeling lonely and wants a shoulder to cry on, but if your reasons for ending the friendship were good at the time it was probably the right decision and to restart it just because you feel sorry for her is not a good basis for a would be better for her to move on too.If the friendship was bad for you it will stil be bad for you! Just my opinion and only you know the full story.

Pete said...

do whats best for you

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the lady in question is a mooch who demands you give her money and run errands for her as part of any "friendship" deal. Its up to you to set boundarys. I suppose you need to call her back because you live in a small town but call her back very early in the morning and give her the sympathy she demands. Cut the call off after 5 minutes with an excuse. Continue not picking up when she calls. She is obviously running through her phone book calling people one after the other and got to your name at 21:45 last night. Did she find a patsy to dump on? At least it wasnt you.

Jan said...

Thanks everyone, really value your opinions. I have also spoken to Helen today as I went there for lunch, and told her all the background without being obviously biased. She doesn't know me too well so thought it would be a fair test. She comes up with the same really - leave well alone, bad idea etc. I guess I know in my own mind that is exactly what I waned to do, but my heart was telling me no, she has nobody else. She never did. She is a very needy person and always has to have someone to lean on. For a while it was one boyfriend, then a woman friend, then she had enough and left, and she latched onto me instead. She lives far enough away (12 miles) that our paths need never cross really. She doesn't make the effort like I did to go out and find things to do, to meet new people, she always has to do stuff with other people. The thing that bothered me most about this is that she is on a high dosage of anti-depressants and the highest possible dose of pain killers, and she drinks whiskey. Not a good combo. She always said if it weren't for her animals, she would do herself in, and that was when we were friends! Imagine how I would feel to find out she had done it. On the other hand, I really, really don't want to get involved again and burden myself with all her problems and her pets problems, I just can't handle it. I ended up on antidepressants myself and going for counselling before, I don't want to go there again. She always did ring me late at night, I got so pissed off with it in the end, I used to leave the phone off the hook, or unplug it and say it didn't ring. I even disabled the 1571 ansa so she couldn't leave a message till she gave up keep ringing me. Feeling very fed up about it, but think I will take the easy way out as usual, and bury my head - I'm sure I should have been an ostrich. Need to harden up I guess.

Thanks guys.

cmk said...

None of us need toxic people in our lives and she sounds as if she is one. I had to distance myself from my own family because my health couldn't take it anymore, so you have to do what is best for YOU. Good luck.

Janine said...

You dont need someone like that in your life. You work hard enough trying to stay positive, why let someone like that leech off your energy and drag you down. Its not easy to do but will be better for you.

nicola said...

I would stay away, its hard enough keeping levels up with out some one else draining them. I would maybe do a short visit or call then leave it at that

Karen said...

I agree with what others have said, don't be too soft and don't get used all over again. As for her doing herself in - to say that to anyone to make them stay friends with you is emotional blackmail. She does have control over her own life, but don't let her have control over yours again. I'm a big softy too (it probably doesn't sound like it), but the last thing you need is someone draining you mentally - it is so destructive.