I'm seriously beginning to wonder about me. I've had a terrible night's sleep due to something that happened, well a couple of things really, in the last day or so. Let me explain.
Three years ago, a friend and I fell out, bigtime. I won't go into the details of why here and now, it's very involved, but suffice to say, it was, at the time, irrepairable, and to be perfectly honest, I was very relieved, I'd been looking for a way of easing myself out of her life for a long time, and took the opportunity with both hands. I couldn't cope with the pressure of our friendship, or the financial burden it was becoming at times. To be honest, I was having the piss taken out of me bigtime, and being soft I couldn't do anything about it.
Enough about that bit, anyhow, our paths crossed again earlier this year at the Doctors, and I didn't want her as an enemy, so I was friendly, and we chatted briefly, then I met up with her for a walk with the dogs on Saturday, and quickly realised that nothing had changed, and I still couldn't be there for her, and I had moved on. We left it that I would give her a ring sometime, and I never did. So apart from one brief sighting of her a couple of months ago across the park where I walk Emma, she had been far from my mind.
So that sets the scene. On Monday night, I had a dream, that I met her on a walk with Emma. I was walking up a hill, not anywhere immediately familiar, and we met at the brow of this hill, it was a road, and she was with her cocker, Sophie. I was surprised that she'd been able to walk that far, because she is disabled, that's all I can remember of the dream, apart from we chatted, exchanged how are yous etc. I think the road was one in her village, where I walked with Irene and her dog before she left, but it was quite vague.
Okay so now move on to yesterday evening. I was setting up my new mobile phone, transferring all the phone numbers from the old one into the new, systematically going through each one. I got to her numbers (she was last in the list alphabetically) and thought I won't be needing those anymore, so didn't put them into my new phone.
So that's twice right, she'd entered my thoughts for one reason or another.
At 21.45 last night, my phone rang. I have caller display - it was her!!!!! I was so shocked, I didn't answer, just sat there looking at the name, and waiting for the ansa to kick in. She left a message. A short, tearful message. Sounds like she has split with her boyfriend (if you could call him that) although just guessing at this stage from her mumblings. Wants me to be a friend to her, wants me to ring her, needs someone to talk to.
Excuse my language, but oh fuck. What the hell should I do? I really don't need any more complications in my life, my health has deteriorated in the three years since I stopped being her "home help", and I couldn't cope with it now for sure. But at the same time, I don't want to be a complete bitch, it's not in my nature. I just don't know what to do.
I'm really freaked out at the way this has happened too, apart from the decision. I will have to think it over today before I do anything at all. Any comments or advice appreciated folks.