Insomnia

Haven't written for a couple of days again because I've done nothing, been nowhere. Spots are receding, still itchy, still feel a bit groggy, so haven't really wanted to go anywhere either, Sunday was okay because it was a nice day, but its been dreary and miserable here ever since.

I am getting so fed up with being unable to sleep for more than four or five hours and then not being able to get off again. Every night for weeks now, I can go off to sleep within a few minutes of turning out the light, then I wake up, and have to go to the loo, and then even though I've not turned the light on or woken up properly, that's my lot. Get back in bed and just lay there, toss and turn, too hot, too cold, too achy, brain in overdrive, composing letters, conversations, phone calls, things that need to be done, what I'm going to do today, and so it goes on. Is my body (or brain) seriously saying that I only need 4 or 5 hours sleep now? I don't think so, because come this evening, I will be shattered, and need to go to bed again about 10 oclock. I'm not going then, I'm deliberately making myself stay up till at least 11 oclock, but it's just not working.

So here I am again, I went to bed at 11.15, fell asleep instantly, woke up at 4.05, and gave up at 5.05, now been on the pc for one and a half hours, done all my online quizzes, looked at the Big Brother forums on digitalspy, read all the latest goings on, read other peoples blogs. Now what? Try and get back to sleep again I suppose. Eyeballs are hurting, so I guess it's not a bad idea.

One thing on my mind, maybe if I write it down will help. My friend Irene came round to see me yesterday. She confirmed what she had discussed with me last year - she is definitely putting her smallholding on the market in February, had the estate agent round on Monday to value. She is moving back to Southend, I suppose by the time it sells, I have about another 5 months of her as a friend if I'm lucky. She says I can go visit anytime, but of course I doubt I ever will, if I can ever get away from here it has to be to see mum and my friends in Hertfordshire, unlikely to get to Southend. Hell, I've never even been able to get back to Cornwall to see the friends I had there, so it's unlikely. Feeling very pissed off about it. End of yet another era, someone I have a lot in common with, who Emma thinks the world of and vice versa, someone to talk about computing stuff with, to go places with. Ah well, no good going on about it, she ain't gonna change her mind because of me, that's for sure. Wish her all the best anyway, she only has me here as a friend, all her family and friends are back there, she's lived here about 20 years I think. Bet she is feeling pissed off too, because her "partner" isn't going with her. All his friends are here, and he doesn't want to move, so he's looking for somewhere else to live, charming eh? If he finds somewhere quickly, will leave her in the shit financially, in which case, she will move back instantly to live with her sister, and leave the farm empty to sell via the agent, so she could be gone even sooner than that. Bugger. Why can't life stay the same?